MORE SPACE | To Savor the Moment
Do you ever have the feeling like you want to be a little girl again? It’s somewhere between isolation and fear - the loneliness of realizing you are on your own and the fear of the unknown - the unfamiliarity of what’s ahead.
When that feeling comes on, I’m right back in preschool - the little girl - trying to find her way amidst new people, a new place and a new system. I’m unsure of what to do and who to be in a new environment that feels big and scary.
While I can recall many moments in grade school where I felt this way, I remember initially being able to name this feeling when I pulled up to the very first apartment I was going to live in. It was the perfect set- up - a historic old school that had been renovated into apartments, ready to be filled with laughter, parties and an amazing community with three of my favorite compadres.
This “Friends Era”, rising junior, should have been over the moon to have an eclectic, historic studio apartment with a velvet sofa that would be the newest place to make the best memories. But as I parked in front of the massive, single paned windows flanked with original, sandblasted brick, the blanket of loneliness covered my soul. I felt so small in such a big world. Instead of anticipation and excitement, I was afraid of this “mature” phase, afraid of moving from the safety of the fortress of the college campus to an unprotected place where adulting was creeping in too close for comfort.
The heaviness was so great that I couldn’t shrug it off. I had to acknowledge it - to call it for what it was and to figure out a way to get through it. For the first time, as I named this feeling and handed it to Jesus, something powerful happened in me. I realized naming my thoughts and fears brought freedom. When I could say I felt lonely and afraid, I could hear God whisper to me that He was with me, that I wasn’t alone, that this little girl could crawl right up in her Father’s lap and receive companionship. And, that the companionship could and would bring me great relief as I transitioned more and more to a life on my own.
Today, as I look into the beginning of a new, unknown year, I am both excited and a little anxious. Fears of failure, of unknowns that could crush me flood into my mind, but I am reminded I am not alone. Instead of giving into that anxiety, I am free to give that to Him. And, just knowing I have a Father who cares for me more than I could ask or imagine gives me great hope for this year to come. It may not be easy, it may not be all glitter and sparkles, but the hope that He is with me, orchestrating it all for my good and His glory gives me a great thrill to embrace the new and exciting adventures He has for me, to soak it all in, and yes, to SAVOR it all. So as I step into 2024 and begin to write this next chapter, I am committing to savor the here and now, trusting there’s so much good to be had and handing over the fears to the One who made me and can handle it all.